In the left-hand column are the 12 irrational beliefs, with
a rational alternative beside each
Irrational beliefs
|
Rational alternatives
|
| I need love and approval from those significant
to me, and I must avoid disapproval from any source. |
Love, approval and respect from others
are all good things - but they are not absolute necessities for my
survival. And while I dislike disapproval, it is uncomfortable - not
catastrophic; I can stand it - as I have many times before. Better
that I learn to accept myself, independently of what others think
of me. |
| To feel happy and be worthwhile I must
achieve, succeed at whatever I do, and make no mistakes. |
I will always seek to achieve as much as
I can, but unfailing success and competence is unrealistic. Better
I just accept myself as a person, separate from my performance. |
| People should always do the right thing.
When they behave obnoxiously, unfairly or selfishly, they must be
blamed and punished. |
It is unfortunate that people sometimes
do bad things. But humans are not yet perfect, and upsetting myself
will not change that reality. |
| Things must be the way I want them to be,
otherwise life will be intolerable. |
There is no law which says that things
have to be the way I want. It is disappointing when they are not,
but I can stand it — especially if I avoid awfulising about frustration
and demanding that it not happen. |
| My unhappiness is caused by things outside
my control, so there is little I can do to feel any better. |
Many external factors are outside my control.
But it is my thoughts (not the externals) which cause my feelings
- and I can learn to control my thoughts. |
| I must worry about things that could be
dangerous, unpleasant or frightening, otherwise they might happen. |
Worrying about things that might go wrong
will not stop them happening. It will, though, ensure I get upset
and disturbed right now! |
| I can be happier by avoiding life’s
difficulties, unpleasantnesses and responsibilities. |
Avoiding problems is only easier in the
short term — putting things off can make them worse later on.
It also gives me more time to worry about them! |
| Everyone needs to depend on someone stronger
than themselves. |
Relying on someone else can lead to dependent
behaviour. It is OK to seek help, as long as I learn to trust myself
and my own judgement. |
| Events in my past are the cause of my problems,
and they continue to influence my feelings and behaviours now. |
The past cannot influence me now. My current
beliefs cause my reactions. I may have learned these beliefs in the
past, but I can choose to analyse and change them in the present. |
| I should become upset when other people
have problems and feel unhappy when they’re sad. |
It is good to empathise with and help others,
but I can’t change their problems and bad feelings by getting
myself upset. |
| I shouldn’t have to feel discomfort
and pain. I can’t stand them and must avoid them at all costs. |
Why should I in particular not feel discomfort
and pain? I don’t like them, but I can stand them. Also, my life
would be very restricted if I always avoided discomfort. |
| Every problem should have an ideal solution,
and it is intolerable when one cannot be found. |
Problems usually have many possible solutions.
It is better to stop waiting for the perfect one and get on with the
best available. I can live with less than the ideal. |